Pastor Greg Neal

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. – Hebrews 13:17

As king, David expected his sons to serve their father, most likely in places of authority and leadership. Therefore, Absalom, David’s third son, most likely assumed a high level of responsibility.

Under the circumstances, I think the people expected Absalom to be in a position of authority. What the people did not necessarily know was the condition of the relationship between David and Absalom. Few would have understood this strained relationship. Therefore, when we see Absalom assuming the role of leadership in II Samuel 15, it is not surprising that the people so readily followed him. What they could not know were the motives behind Absalom’s actions.

Absalom was a very bright young man. It is obvious that he had not only personality and charisma but also intelligence. It appeared to the people that Absalom was working at the request of his own father. He was making judgments that a son would often be in the position to make for his father the king. As far as they knew, he spoke on behalf of King David. However, Absalom was not acting on behalf of his father. He was acting on behalf of himself.

There are three elements involved in leadership. The first element is the position. Secondly, there is the responsibility that goes with the position. The third element is the authority that goes with the responsibility and the position. If God has given a man the position of pastor, He has also given him the responsibility to carry out his duties on His behalf. The authority is what the people give back to the pastor because of the position God has given him. The pastor’s position is what gives him the authority and responsibility. His job is to concentrate on the responsibility. The people under his position have a responsibility to submit to the authority of the position, not for the pastor’s sake but for their own sakes before God.

Often when a church reaches a certain size, it becomes more difficult for the pastor to carry out all of his duties alone. It becomes necessary for him to employ others to assist him in pastoral leadership. That is why we have assistant pastors in many churches.

The greatest problem with many staff members is not the quality of their work but the loyalty of their purpose. They do their jobs well for the sake of the people and themselves rather than for the sake of the people and the pastor. Once they have stolen the hearts of the people, they find fault in the pastor and, subsequently, turn the hearts of the people against him.

They are doing the same as Absalom did. In the eyes of the people, the assistant pastors are doing exactly what the pastor wants. Their jobs are done well. How could the pastor be unhappy with their work? How could he possibly not appreciate them? Just like Absalom, they are stealing the hearts of the people away from the pastor with their personality and charisma.

Most staff members do not set out consciously to steal the hearts of the people. Absalom did not necessarily set out in the beginning to steal the kingdom from his father. However, he had become disgruntled, and then he plotted in his heart to steal the hearts of the people from his father the king. What Absalom forgot was that King David was in a position given to him by God, not by the people.

I have been around the ministry long enough to have seen staff members who were like Absalom. I have seen the same qualities of Absalom in some of them. Here are some of the qualities we see in Scripture that Absalom possessed.

He listened to the complaints of the people. (II Samuel 15:2)

Absalom became the complaint department for the disgruntled in the kingdom. There are always disgruntled people. Dr. Jack Hyles made this statement concerning his staff, “Everybody is disgruntled at some time. The job of my staff is to disarm the disgruntled.”

People get upset. Surely every member of my church has been, currently is, or in the future will be upset about something. That is natural. Unfortunately, there are no relationships with perfect people; therefore, we will all be upset at some time.

Some staff members, like Absalom, find the disgruntled and hear them out with patience and understanding. They do not necessarily agree. They just listen with compassion. They make the disgruntled person feel that they care. Eventually, the disgruntled person feels trust for that staff member because he understood that person’s complaints. A bond is formed, not from loyalty but from disloyalty. That is a weak link, one used to start rebellions.

Christians, God hates complaining. God punished the children of Israel because of their murmuring. Griping and complaining are not acceptable behaviors. We can be disgruntled without griping. Sadly, when we get disgruntled, we want someone to listen to our grievances. The person who listens to our complaints is typically not being loyal. When a staff member entertains the complaints of the people, he or she is being disloyal. We all have problems with leaders, but instead of going to the leader or taking it to the Lord, people often go to another leader who they think might listen.

Remember, staff members work more closely with some people than the pastor does. The music director works more closely with the people involved in the music than the pastor does. The bus workers work more closely with the assistant pastor in charge of buses than the pastor does. People feel comfortable going to the staff member to complain. The responsibility of the staff member is to defend the pastor, deflect the criticism, and disarm them from their anger. A good staff member will resolve the situation while encouraging loyalty to the pastor, while an Absalom might resolve the situation but in a way that diminishes their loyalty to the pastor.

He took the side of the people. (II Samuel 15:3)

It could be said that Absalom legitimized the complaints of the people. People will have complaints; but without a willing ear, those complaints typically will be settled. Once someone is willing to listen to another’s complaints and show understanding, it energizes that person’s complaints. The only criticism that Absalom gave about David was a subtle one. He suggested that David was not doing all he could to resolve the complaints of the people.

The job of the staff member is not to argue the inerrancy of the pastor. His job is to defend the position. Pastors do not make perfect decisions all of the time. However, a staff member should never voice his disagreement with the pastor to church members. If there is a concern, the staff member should take it to the pastor so that he can explain his decision. Even then, that should be done only concerning major issues.

Most people who complain are not ministry minded. They are self-motivated. Members typically do not come to an assistant pastor to complain about things that have no effect on them. Most complaints, in some way, are in the interest of the complainer. The moment a person entertains the possibility that what he is saying is correct, he is undermining the authority of the pastor. I am not suggesting the staff member should argue with him. I am suggesting that he should deflect the complaints back to the pastor. In other words, if someone has a complaint, he should take it to the pastor himself. In most cases, a person will not do it. He is looking for an ear not a solution.

He believed he could handle situations better than David. (II Samuel 15:4)

There is no question that Absalom was an intelligent young man and had seen his father make bad decisions before regarding himself. However, Absalom had never been tested as David had, so he saw only an idealistic view of leadership. He had never been the king. It is interesting that the child who has never been a parent can question the parent. It is interesting that the employee who is never been the boss can question the boss. It is interesting that the assistant pastor who has never pastored can question the pastor. Followers think in ideals. Leaders think in realities. To question the leader is usually a sign of pride. Absalom was definitely full of pride, and so are most assistant pastors who assume they know better than the pastor. I have had the privilege of being both an assistant pastor and a pastor. Growing up in a pastor’s home and then serving as an assistant pastor certainly helped prepare me for pastoring. I can testify from personal experience that unless a person holds the position of pastor and bears the weight of the responsibility, he does not have an understanding of what it is to pastor.

He put himself in the place of the king. (II Samuel 15:5)

Once Absalom had won the hearts of the people, he expected their allegiance. At this point, the flesh often takes over in the one who does a good job as a staff member. People begin to look to the staff member instead of the pastor. If the staff member is not right in his heart, he will accept their misplaced allegiance which will cause a problem. It is important to explain carefully what the word “allegiance” means. I am not suggesting the allegiance is to the man. I am, however, insisting that it is to the position the man holds. When the assistant pastor accepts the allegiance of the people, he is putting himself in a position he does not hold. In other words, he is stealing what is not his. People who give their allegiance to him as a man are not good people. Good people give their allegiance to the man because of the position. That staff member is building his kingdom on hopes and dreams if he thinks these people are truly being loyal. Loyalty is to the position God has given a man not just to the man himself. Let me make a point. I do not have a youth director to replace me as pastor to the teens. I have a youth director because I do not always have the time to go bowling or play miniature golf. Yes, I want a youth director who is going to influence the teens to do right and help them mature and grow spiritually. Teens need a pastor, and the job of the youth director is to help the pastor “pastor” the teens not to become the pastor to the teens. The same can be said about the Christian school principal or any other staff position.

His betrayal was gradual. (II Samuel 15:6, 7)

All disloyalty is gradual. Absalom did not consider overthrowing his father in the beginning. It was forty years later when his rebellion actually took place. He was a loyal assistant pastor for forty years. He had “paid his dues.” When a person is disloyal, his actions are not necessarily meant to be rebellious at first. There is a difference between disloyalty and rebellion. All rebellion comes from disloyalty, but not all disloyalty manifests itself in rebellion. Someone may be disloyal, but the opportunity to rebel never presents itself. Unfortunately, many times a disloyal person with a position discovers that there are those who would follow him in his disloyalty and that begins to foster rebellion. Perhaps, Absalom never intended to steal the throne from his father. One day he realized that there were many people who were following his leadership. He saw the disgruntled masses rallying behind him, and then Satan planted the thought in his mind to rebel.

Most staff members who split churches did not necessarily set out to do so. Over a period of time, their disloyalty changed into rebellion. Once they saw the opportunity to rebel, there was no turning back. They had gotten a taste of being number one and were no longer satisfied with being number two, just as Absalom was no longer satisfied with being the prince. It was a gradual process. It always is.

Let me issue a word of warning here to those who are assistants or who work on a church staff. The moment an assistant pastor or staff member senses this disloyalty in his heart, he needs to make it right before it goes too far. There will come a time when he will get what he wants but lose what he has.

He had a co-conspirator. (II Samuel 15:12)

As Absalom began to win the hearts of the people, there arose a man who also saw an opportunity. As we have discussed in another chapter, Ahithophel turned against David and became a loyal follower of Absalom. Many times, hiding in the shadows, there is one who encourages the rebellion. His encouragement often is the catalyst that leads to the attempt to overthrow the one in the position of leadership.

I cannot help but question why Ahithophel was even discussing David with Absalom. Perhaps he saw Absalom’s popularity and realized that David’s days were numbered. There are always those who will be willing to side with someone so that they can enable him to accomplish his rebellious purpose.

Never discuss complaints with another staff member. It is unwise for two followers to discuss the weaknesses of their leader. There were times when men came to me to attempt to get me to disagree with my father. I gave these men no audience. He held the position, and I was his assistant pastor. It was not my place. I made it a point to refuse to talk to another staff man about my dad. If anyone thinks that the only reason I would not enter into discussions with other staff members about the pastor is that he was my father, remember that David was Absalom’s father. I know of several situations in which staff sons betrayed their pastor father when the opportunity arose. Disloyalty is not immune to blood relationships.

There will be those opportunists who see another’s disloyalty and will encourage him to act upon his newfound popularity. They will give him advice as to how to accomplish his purpose. He must be careful. The same people who turn against the leader will turn against him as well.

Typically, churches are not destroyed from without but from within. Often, it is someone in a staff position whom Satan uses to bring about the demise of a church. Staff members need to be careful! They do not need to be the one whose disloyalty destroys the work of God. If Satan is able to use them in that way, they will be destroyed as well. They do not need to be like Absalom.

Editor’s Note: The above blog post is an abridged version of the chapter, “Absalom: A Disloyal Staff Member,” taken from the book, Satan’s Toolbox, by Pastor Greg Neal. This title and many more are available from Berean Publications.